Out Of My Mind

#NowPlaying: Talking To The Moon by Bruno Mars

Dear Friend,

  After a days worth of stress and cramming for exams, I've finally lost it. Actually, I should study again because I barely touched my World History book. My living room looks like it has been ransacked by coyotes and my body is aching so bad. Though, I do admit, instead of studying I went on to sketch something and I went out yesterday just to play NBA2K13 with my friends. I'll be surprised if I even pass the exams tomorrow. But as I said, I think I've finally lost it.

  After listening to sad Bruno Mars songs for the past three days, plus an overdose of cheesecake and gin, I've come to realize that I might be somewhat crazy. Like, literally crazy. I'm at a point where I find myself talking to the moon (as the song above suggests) and wanting to shoot myself several times. Both literally and figuratively. I'm not suicidal or anything. Not anymore, at least. But maybe I'm on my way to becoming an alcoholic or something, who knows. I wish I knew what was bothering me so much. But I think I already know the answer to that...it's kinda pretty obvious. If my friends, if I still had any, were to find out how messed up it am then-- wait-- meh, they won't care. I'm speaking now in my slightly bipolar, indifferent self. I guess it's more like an alter-ego. Because every time I talk like this, most of the time, I have no memory of the things I say.

  Anyway, I find it funny how I was talking to this star a while ago. Now before you go and assume I'm mental or something, hear me out. There's this specific star in the sky, the one that always shines the brightest, to whom I've been confiding these past two days. It never talks back, but somehow I feel like it listens and it understands. You know how you have that old teddy bear  or whatever it is that you talk to when you have no one else to go to? Well, that's like my star. That star has a name, but if someone who knew me were to be reading this, then I'd be screwed. So it's best not to disclose it. That star just sits there and watches over, and no matter where I go, even in the day time, I know it's there. Sometimes, I feel as if someone's on the other side, staring back at the star as well. But maybe it's just me. I'll just choose to believe there is, in fact, someone on the other side.

Here's my favorite lyrics from the song:

At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself talking to the moon.

Trying to get to you. In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too.

Or Am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon?

  Maybe tomorrow, I'll actually be caught up in exams this time. I'll pretty much be cramming the whole morning. But for now, I'm a bit wasted. And sleepless. Tomorrow, I'll see my personified star again, and maybe that will make things better. He usually does. I hurts a little bit inside when we walk past each other as  if these past two months meant nothing at all. It hurts to think that he'll easily forget. But I know that somehow, in whatever way, what happened between us meant something to him. Maybe just not in the same way. But no matter what happens, I'll always have my star. Nothing can change that.


  I really am sorry for talking in poetic bullshit. It would be much easier to understand me if you were able to read my mind. Then again, if you did, then you might be scared for life. There will  come a time where I'll be able to explain everything. Just you wait.

  Also, just so you know, you, yes, you dear friend, mean so much to me. Thank you for putting up with all the crap I've been writing to you. It's hard to find someone to talk to these days... thanks again.

  Take care. 'Til next time...

Love Always,
Yasmeen