The Happiness Project

#NowPlaying: Mushaboom by Fiest (cover)

Dear Friend,

  Holy cow! I swear I'm forgetting how to type. I'm not even kidding. You should see my grammar and spelling, I now have the brain of a three year old.Okay. Wew. So anyway, I have bad news. For me, at least. It might be good for you seeing as you read these letters which is cornucopia of mishaps and adventures in my life. In short, it's often more fun to read peoples experience (the bad ones, at least) than having them your own. So what I'm trying to say is... I'll be back in school in 4 days. YAAAY. Haha. No. Not yay.

  Just a quick entry here to update you.

  I've actually been having a proper life lately.By normal, I mean the exact opposite. It's cray cray, bro. But I like it! I hung out with my friends yesterday and I can say that those five to six hours were very well spent. I ate pizza rolls til I felt like puking, I rode a super freaky 3D ride (screaming like a whimp, I might add) that looked like a scene cut from Silent Hill or House of the Dead or something. And somehow, even an ordinary trip to the bathroom turned into a hilarious event. How? I pranked my friend by turning off all the lights in the restroom (while she was in a cubicle) and she screamed so lot. All to my amusement, yes. But karma's a bitch so, after we were all out, washing our hands. All of the lights flashed off (it wasn't me this time) and we all screamed so loud you could hear it from Mt. Everest. All in all, it was a pretty funny happening. (turns out the mall had a quick blackout)

 After that we hung out in Starbuck to chill for a while. We talked about school, people and a lot of other things. But what made the day was what the barista decided to scribble on to my cup.Let's just say I have a new name. I was supposed to write my (in my dreams) boyfriend's name, Ashton. But no, the lady heard it wrong and so she wrote this. Behold! Hashtag#. She just had to write a little has tag too. *insert cuss word here*. But it was all good. We kept on laughing at that cup for an hour or two. I bought cupcakes and watched plays and it was so awesome.

  Since I'll be in school in 4 days, I needed these days. I'll be back to drama and other messes when school starts. And, sometimes, it helps to have a little breathing time. This is my last year in high school. I might as well enjoy the fuck out of it. After all, you only yo through highschool once....uless you're like Zac Efron in that 17 Again movie.

  I just want to feel happy, you know. Everyone does. So I'm taking the time to enjoy the simple little pleasures of life and just live with it. It seems like a legit thing.

  I just baked myself some cookies (well, they're for everyone else. I just like making things). And you know, I feel pretty darn happy about it. Even if it's something so simple.

  Sometimes, we just have to take the bad in life and just live through it; and take the good in life and embrace it and be content with it.

Love Always,
Yasmeen

50 Shades of BOREDOM

#NowPlaying: Unpredictable by 5 Seconds of Summer

Dear Friend,

  Before you (may or may not) jump into conclusions, this DOES NOT have anything to with the book/ porn in paper that they call literature. I'm just running out of titles cause... I don't even know anymore. My life just looks like someone took a giant shit on it (too graphic?). But if you have read the book, then cool for you. Totally not judging. I haven't even read all of it (I tried though), but it just scared the actual fuck off of me. I literally have the knowledge of a guy when it comes to all things thing with 'the birds and the bees', but even this is way beyond my understanding. (Why do I know all these stuff? Well, cause I have a brother and a class swarming with perverts. I can't really prevent myself from not figuring it out.)

  So anyway, excuse the monumental amount of cuss words in this post here, but apparently I haven't slept since noon. And that was yesterday. I literally haven't had sleep in 24 hours and, strangely, I haven't felt more alive.On the contrary, I also feel kind of shitty because I just been so jumpy today that I had to go and go for a jog for about 20 minutes and then when I got home, I still wasn't satisfied so I went straight ahead to the treadmill. And yet, this is all coming from a girl who is too lazy to get up and get the remote to change the channel (somehow I always end up it the Home Shopping Network or some channel that makes me want to die). Or who's too lazy to wake get up from the couch to get her own food. Gosh darn, I'm a sloth.

  But other than that, I've had a pretty fruitful 24 hours of no sleep *insert tired-looking face and a frown here*. Well,if you count watching Youtube videos for almost 12 hours straight as fruitful, then yes. Yes I have. I've told you recently about my new (not so new) love for boybands and well, bands in general. I've gone from the World's Most Famous Boyband-- And yes, if you haven't guess it already, they're called One Direction; to their new Aussie pals who are also exceedingly gorgeous, 5 Seconds of Summer; to the up-and-coming, (super cute) and very talented boys of Before You Exit, the McDonough brothers. I'm finding this all a bit strange how I'm back to fangirling in bedroom when I swore that I'd never go back to that kind of thing again. But maybe hanging out with the biggest fangirl I know, aka one of my best friends, who happens to be also Bieber obsessed has it's side-effects. Yup, the 'fangirl fever' has completely taken control of me. I find it creepy how it does things to me.


  Sidenote: Strangely, I'm developing this thing for blonde guys. I don't know. But so far, all of the guys I'm crushing on in these bands are, well, blonde. Niall. Connor and Ashton. Sweet Jesus, why are you all so perfect?!

  Okay, back to being the bored little weirdo that I am.So far I've watched 65 videos of this guy, Marcus
Butler, and I've watched some other video from other (sexy) British Youtubers. Aside from their videos being extremely funny (it's very rare I find Youtube content that amuses me), they're all (for some weird reason) ridiculously good-looking. Sigh. Must be the air in Britain. I need to get me some of that. So yeah, if you want to go spend a whole 12 hours watching videos like me, then it would be a well-spent 12 hours.

  What else have I been doing? Hmm. Reading books. And well, redecorating my room for like the 139854th time. I now have a gigantic Iron Man poster and a cork board to set up my sched for the busy year ahead. Also, I've organized my planner (mostly just jotted down some birthday reminders and some goals per month too.). And, I've made a list of things I plan to buy this year.


  Number one is this badboy right here. A Penny board all the way from Aussie (I guess, because they don't sell them here). I've been pretty amazed with people who can skate and since I've been wanting some sort of transportation where I can just be cruising and chilling, this would be super perfect. I'm saving up for it so bad and if ever I don't save like a hundered thirty dollars (at least), then I'd buy it with all the Graduation money I'll be recieving this year!

  This is the other thing I've been dying to buy. An Instant camera! Since the classic Polaroid is so very hard to buy (and is beyond too expensive for me), this one's pretty good. They come in smaller pictures too so they'd fit in my journal. This would cost me like around 60 to 70 dollars, a little pricey but I'd say it's worth it since I can never but a DSLR camera 'til I'm about 30 or whatever.

  The rest are just minimal things like comics and clothes and other awesome shit that I feel like having. Hopefully I do save up enough of my allowance for the whole year so I can buy this stuff. My parents don't really like buying me cool things, so I'll just have to earn it.

  But as of late, I'm extremely moneyless. And it sucks.

  I hope your bored time turns out pretty friggen awesome as well! Byee!

Love Always,

Yasmeen

A Minute of Reflection (This is what books do to me)

#NowPlaying: I Miss You- Blink 182

Dear Friend,

  As I'm currently listening to nostalgic songs from my childhood and finishing up the last one hundred pages of John Green's Paper Towns. I can't help but take a moment of silence and think those ever-so-deep thoughts about life. About everything. About us and how we live our lives. (If you know me well enough, you'd know that this always happens when I read John Green books).

  I'm not gonna spoil anything except for the given fact that the once called Margo Roth Spiegelman is one magnificently adventurous, slightly crazy, eccentric girl. She was like the queen bee in her world of high school. And Q here (here old childhood best friend) is taken into whirlwind, night-long adventure of a lifetime when she appears in his bedroom asking him to tag along while she goes exacting some revenge. Albeit confused, Q does it anyway. After a night's worth of breaking, entering and 'breaking and entering' (yup, there's a difference), he finds himself spellbound by her. But all goes sour when Margo goes missing the next day. Q soon learns that she had left clues and they were left for him. As he deciphers what was left of Margo, he soon learns that Margo isn't the girl he thought he knew. He is left questioning, 'Who is the real Margo?'...

  Pretty cool summary/ description thingy right? Like the back of a book kind of stuff. That's the most I could say since I hate being a 'spoiler' (I usually am though). But, to be really honest, I didn't really read this book 'til last night.I got this one along with the rest of other four JG novels in a box set. And although I read Looking For Alaska in less than 24 hrs; like The Fault In Our Stars, I only read a couple of pages then sit it out and barely touched the book until I was terribly bored. But, last night, (yes, I was bored) something in me made me want to read it. Now, I'm glad I did. The story just kept on getting better and better as I flipped through the pages. And, like every other J. Green book I've read, I'm left questioning  life itself all over again...

  There's so many fine points to tackle, really.

  I guess foremost, I'd like to say that I am completely in love with the many euphemisms in this book: paper  relating to being fake, or unreal (I'm assuming, at least). the grass as... well, everything: from life, to death, to equality. Even the detective's comparison of balloon to people. I was all so vibrantly fascinating. I'm somewhat happy that I got to pick up on those (I'm pretty slow-minded sometimes)  and to this that one things could mean so many other things is just an awesome thought.  

  Second, I love Radar's (aka Q's best friend's) point when Q was mad at Ben. He said something like, "You know what your problem is? You keep expecting people not to be themselves". This hit me just as hard a lightning bolt would. Sometimes I too act like Q, getting pissed when people don't think the same as me. But ultimately, we just have to accept that that's how it goes in life. We're all blades of grass in a field. We cannot hate people for being themselves. I mean, I could hate this friend for being obsessed with how she looks around guy, for being kind of a (excuse the language) whore, or this other friend for being a control-freak or the other for never asking me to hangout. BUT I WONT. 'Cause in the end, they're my friends. I like them because they're funny, supportive, and they're pretty darn cool. We just have to accept. That's the best thing to do.

  Lastly, Margo. Q made her up to be some adventure or a miracle, or something spectacular or invincible. But somewhere in the middle, he figures out that Margo is just a girl. Him and his friends are opened up to new things about Margo that they didn't know. They would always say 'that's so un-Margo' but ultimately knowing that they're basing it off of the fragments of Margo that know so little about. If it is even the real Margo herself. In short, most people aren't what we think them out to be. And a specific person isn't that same person to everyone else (you see what I'm saying?). Me, for example: I may be this quite, shy girl to most people, but to my friends I am this random, reckless girl who is somewhat suicidal and who tends be all 'fangirly at times'. But really, what do those friends of mine know? Maybe that isn't the real Yasmeen. Maybe what they know about me isn't who I really am. Think about it, what do you really know about me? Or about any of your friends for that matter. How do you know that we're all not made of paper?

  Sigh. Because, in reality, sometimes I don't know who I really am anymore. I play different parts everyday, never firmly grasping to accept me for what I am. I'm really confused right now, because even I don't know if I'm a paper girl in a town full of paper people. I bet I am.

  To end this very long, more-than-a-minute refection, I'll say this: "What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person."- John Green, Paper Towns. We are nothing more than people. Our lives aren't as magnificent as we always make them out to be. I'd like to compare is to quote/fact about mirrors: "We are ten times prettier as we look back in a mirror than we are in real life". We. are. not. spectacular. But we've all got something unique in our lives. Maybe it's because we're all special that, for the same reason, we aren't special at all.  

  I better read the rest of the book.

Love Always,
Yasmeen

12 Days 'Til The Beginning of the End

#NowPlaying: King and Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men

Dear Friend,

  Gosh darn, the days feel just a tad bit longer. I. Am. So. Bored. Dang it! So anyway, enough about ranting about the infinite wonders of boredom (no, actually, being bored doesn't have any wonders. At all.). I'm here to share more thought on the upcoming senior year. I know, I know. I've been yapping all about this for quite a while now. But this is a really big deal for me (and I'm partly saying this cause it's all I think about because... I'm a bored, anti-social unicorn). Anyway, it's my last year. And going to college scared the shit out of me. It's a whole different place with people I don't even know. One of my biggest fears is being alone. I'm scared of being that outsider once again. To be quite honest, I find it really hard to make friends. Aside from being unbelievably awkward and shy, I have major trust issues which kind of works both ways. I trust to much, yet sometimes I don't trust enough. Sigh. Bottom line: As much as I am open to change, it's also what I fear the most.

  So, since senior year is only less than two week away (wait, I only have two weeks of summer left?!). I'll be sharing some things I'm looking forward to this year (and some things I am not looking forward to). Because, so far, I've done nothing but 'tweet' boybands all day and it's getting heartbreaking. (yup, I'm in that kind of bandwagon).

  First of all, I'm looking forward to new experiences. I know, every day has new experiences, but the whole senior year things shoots a thought in my mind that maybe I should do some things that are a little out of my comfort zone. After all, it's my last year in high school. And, to be honest, most people won't even remember the things you did in ten years. So why not have a little fun? Be a little mischievous, I say. Maybe I'll go cut class (as if I can muster up the will to do so), or get drunk (I have done that once in school. Damn that headache), or maybe I'll just do random shit. I don't know. But doing something spectacular is something on my Bucket List.

  Meeting new people. I always love meeting new people! And, most of the time (within my comfort zone), I'm the one who usually approaches them. I plan to do the same this year too. I love making new friends and I think this is the year I should start separating 'the people who matter' from those who don't. Developing long and lasting friendships is one of my top goals in life. With all these new kids coming in this year, who knows. Maybe I'll find a good friend or two...

  Last everythings. There comes a time when high school nears its end. In this case, that time has come. There will be some many 'lasts' this year. I can't even begin to fathom how many tears will be shed, how many more fights, smiles, and infinite moments are yet to come. But no matter how many more will come, there will me that one final moment that will mark the end of your high school days. As for me, I'm looking forward to my last prom, my last edition of the school newspaper (editor-in-chief duties will go down in my list of 'big, high school achievements'), my last retreat, my last goddamned exam, and the last time I will walk up that stage and finally receive my last medal and my diploma and finally say 'I actually did it'. That last one will be so significant to me. I've always complained to myself about how I keep going up that stage year after year to receive honorary medals. (I'm not saying this because I feel somewhat superior when I do. It's just that maybe being that honor student that everyone expected of me kind of wore me out. Note: I did not enjoy living up to that expectation.) But now, looking back at it, this may be the last time I'd get recognized for something good that I did. And maybe I'd miss that. Either way, I'll cherish that.

  Whatever happens this year, dear friend, I hope it turns out well. High school in only a mere four years of my life.They may not be a lot, but they're certainly amazing.

  I hope you had a good four years too.

Love Always,
Yasmeen

What I Miss The Most: Falling In Love

#NowPlaying: Stay Just A Little by Kina Grannis (listen to this on repeat while you read this)

Dear Friend,

  Two letters in a span of one day? Not the first time, certainly. It's 11 pm here and since I just had a cup of coffee an hour ago, I doubt I'd be asleep by midnight. There are a lot of thoughts running through my mind and my 8tracks adventure just isn't helping. That song has been stuck in my head. Sigh. I guess it's another lonely night.

  It's been quite a while since I talked about love and all that 'shizz'. And, to be heartbreakingly honest, I miss being in love. I admit, sometimes I wished I wasn't in love when I was. I kept on asking why I always got my heartbroken or why I cared. I hated those feelings. But, now... well, I got my wish. And no, being in love with someone famous or a boyband does not count (I wish it did). I missed caring for someone. The excitement you feel when you feel when you see their face.  Or that bit of sadness when their not there. I miss caring for someone deeply, going out of my way to show them how I feel. I pains me so much. I miss the sleepless nights, the crying, the huge goofy smile I get. Now, it's all gone.

  The last person I love had to go away. Gone before I said goodbye. It hurts more and more when I remember how it went down, but I can never ever regret loving him the way I did. I've never loved anyone more than I did with him. It's just... the ultimate feeling of loving... it just makes me happy. Note: I still don't know what true happiness means, but something about being in love makes me closer to knowing. I know sometimes I get critical when it comes to people saying how they love each other, but it's a lot different when you feel it. I'm not in love right now. And I'm unsure whether I want to be or not. But somehow, I long for the feeling of loving. Maybe it's because I'm so used to it. Or maybe I'm just lonely. But, I know time has its own way.

  The school year is coming up, and who knows what's in store for me. But I don't anything fabulous is in store for my love life (or lack of one). I'm just as lovable as walrus. Who knows, though. Maybe some cute guy will come along and catch my eye. But I hate liking my own classmates. Rarely anything good comes out of it and it's pretty easy to see how douchy they can be. Not that all guys are. But, yeah. Boys can be a little very frustrating.

  I did tell you I like this guy, right? Well *insert shy smile here*, I think he's pretty great. I like everything about him (I already told you that). Never have I found someone with so much in common and so much awesome qualities as him. But, I don't think (for me, at least) it's possible to fall in love someone you don't know. As of late, I'm just simply wallowing in a pool of one-sided adoration. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get to meet this guy (or someone as awesome as him). Maybe if I'm luckier, someone would fall in love with me too (as if. Don't get your hopes up, Yasmeen). Sigh. I'm in Losertown. Population: Me.

  So much for trying to feel better.

Love Always,
Yasmeen

Frustration and Bad Friends

#NowPlaying: The Girl by City and Colour

Dear Friend,

  It's only one in the afternoon and I'm damn pissed. Just when I was on a roll of good vibes, someone has to put a damper to it. I could honestly spew out a thousand curse words right now but that would be too vulgar.  So, instead, I'm here letting out frustrated sighs and trying not to go out and stick a fork in someones throat. Judging from the title, you could already tell what making me so pissy today. Bad friends. Yup, we've all got them. And to be frank, I have a handful of them.

  I don't know about you, dear friend, but I've got a whole bunch of people who are doing a pretty shitty job at being a friend. I'm not saying I'm the perfect friend, but I've always been the type of friend who:

1.  Listens to everyone's shallow problems and genuinely tries to help even though I don't give two fucks about the whole situation.
2. Goes out of her way to greet you 'Happy Birthday' in the most special way I can, or finds a way to make you smile at all costs.
3. Says sorry when, most of the time, it isn't even my fault. I'm the one who holds the friendship together... even when I know it's falling apart
4. (Lastly,) I'm the friend who will cherish you and make you feel special whenever I can. I will always choose you over any guy, relationship or any material thing. And I'll make sure you know how much you mean to me.

  Sigh. But sadly, all of that isn't enough. Sometimes, you feel as if you're taken for granted or all your efforts just go to waste. I'm not superman. I am most certainly not perfect. And sometimes it hurts when people expect you to be. I can get angry too, sometimes I'll get so mad that I could stand not to talk to you for weeks. But I won't do that because, even if there were a thousand things to hate about someone, I'd still find that one thing to love about them and stick by that.

  Yet, people always choose to see the bad side of things. I absolutely hate those situations where you hear that your friend said something behind your back/ dislikes something about you then you get all mad and angry when you don't even consider that your friends as the right to dislike a certain 'trait' about you as much as you have the right too dislike something about them. Whenever these things happen in school, I always tell my friends to talk to each other and sort things out. But what do they do? They go straight on to Twitter or Facebook and make indirect (and very foul) tweets about each other, It just shows that you're no better than the enemy.

  When people would always comment of how 'sensitive' and 'emotional' I was, it hurt. A lot. I kept on hearing it and I took it as an offense, at first. But there came a time where I realized 'Hey, they are right. Maybe it's time to man up and change myself for the better'. Not because I wanted to please people, but because I wanted to be a better person and to develop thicker skin. So I did just that, and after a while, people saw the improvement. I was happy.

  I guess, when I'm saying is: people should grow up a little and develop a sense of maturity. Yes, right now, I'm dealing with a very difficult friend. So far, she's gotten on my nerves infinity x10 times. But I've dealt with that. But now, I'm starting to get reaaally fed up. Sigh. I just don't know what to do.

  Help me out, maybe? :(
 
  The comment section is very much open for suggestions. (and anonymous, kind people). Talk to me and I'll love you forever.

Love Always,
Yasmeen

Inspiration for The Uninspired

#NowPlaying: The River Song by Hollow Crowns

Dear Friend,

  It's funny how being terribly bored can sometimes lead you to inspiration hunting. And yes, I am terribly bored. I always am. So this weekend, being the art and music junkie that I am, I went rummaging through the internet and found some awesome stuff. I have 17 days of summer left. And though I doubt anything wonderful would come out of these remaining days, at least I have something to keep me going.

Artwork by Valerie Chua

  I've been into watercolours lately. Although, I am in no way good at it. Yet. So imagine the joy I felt upon discovering such beautiful artwork! On the side is one of the works from my new fave watercolour artist, Valerie Chua! Darn, her works are amazing! Check 'em out here for more art-spiration. (You won't regret, I swear!) I have this knack for pretty looking things and soft colors. And somehow, paintings always give so much depth and life something so ordinary. They make life look a little less dull. Sometimes, we all just need a little color in our life!

  Also, I've been back and forth to the 'magical side of Youtube' as I call it and found a lot of AWESOME bands. I'm an indie girl myself, with a touch of pop and alternative here and there. I was absolutely ecstatic when I found these bands.
Here's a list of some of the stuff I've been listening to (mostly out of boredom and lack of a social life) and some thoughts:

  Passion Pit: Okay, so I know they aren't that indie anymore as compared to the bands that are practically unheard of, but I've only recently took the time to go search them up. I must say, I am very pleased that I did. Their songs are kind of techno with great beats and has fantastic vibe to it! I love how it listening to them feels as if I'm lost in wonderland, having my own adventure. || Favorite tracks: Take A Walk, Constant Conversations and Carried Away

  Of Monsters and Men: Again, not that indie since their new song, Little Talks plays is out on the radio (can't help but sing along every time it plays)  but I've been in love with this band since day one! I've loaded my iPod with all of their tracks and have them on repeat! All of their songs always have something different in them, not one less magical than the other. They're the kind of music I'd like to have in a playlist while drawing new stuff, going on a roadtrip or just everyday, in general. I'm definitely looking forward to buying their album very soon (when I get money, cause my piggy-bank just died of starvation). Not a bad song in the bunch!|| Favorite Tracks: King and Lionheart, Dirty Paws, Love Love Love, Sloom, and Mountain Sound

  Other tracks I'm diggin' right now: You Already Know by Bombay Bicycle Club, Sweater Weather by The Neighborhood, Believe In Love by The Wooden Birds, True Love Waits by Radiohead, and Black Ocean by Urban Cone

  So far, this has been by (failed) attempt at making a music and art review! Don't worry, dear friend, I'll have  more stories for you in the incoming days, seeing as I'm headed back to the Land of The Forlorn aka School. I'm pretty psyched to get back there and meet new people. And honestly, I'm really excited to see if they split up our batch. Some of my friends aren't too happy about the thought while some of them are. Hopefully, if we do get separated, I'll be apart from specific people. Twenty people in a class sounds boring and thrilling at the same time. Plus, I'm kind of sick seeing people batting eyelashes at each other when they could be batting them in front of a book. C'mon people, we have a future to get going here and I certainly don't feel like watching a chick-flick in action.

  Let's just say, I hold just a tad bit of animosity for the emotionally ignorant and the lack of dignity.

  I'm looking forward to meeting the 'new kids' because I absolutely love playing the 'Welcome Committee'. It seems as if I've outgrown a couple of people and it's time for something new. My two best buds are right along with me, so I have nothing to fear! Excelsior to new beginnings and to new people. For once, I'm opening up to change. 'Cause maybe, change isn't as scary as we make it out to be. Often, we're just too afraid of not knowing what's behind that door, when in turn, it could be something so beautiful and larger than life.

  Also, maybe it isn't that bad-- having people in your life and having something to hold on to.

Love Always,
Yasmeen

PS: Check out my 8tracks for more music and playlist! I'll be updating as much as I can (like every other day). Click for a free hug!

Passing Time For The Creative Mind

#NowPlaying: Perfect by Colour Coding

Dear Friend,

  Ah! I've been having pretty good vibes lately! It's been a while since I'm either terribly bored, depressed or pissy lately. But I've been pretty good lately (by lately I mean the past twenty-four hours). It's still raining here, but I love the rain cause it's such chill weather. I've found more awesome music that just puts a smile one my face (one of them, above) and I think I might go searching for more. I've been waking up at noon and sleeping past midnight. So far, I can say that I've been living the good life. Well, summer's almost up so why not enjoy yourself, right? Probably in the next few days I'd be partying with my friends (their birthdays are coming up) and spending a lot more time with people.

  What else have I been doing to pass time? Still blogging. Technically, I'm still setting up my new blog on Tumblr. It's pretty different from this one since this is like my personal diary/place where I dump random shit about my life. But yeah. The one I'm setting up now is mostly and art and photography and music blog and maybe I'd put up some book and movie reviews too. I haven't posted anything yet because, well, I've been staying up late making stuff on Photoshop and messing around with themes and HTML codes. I'm boring, I know. It's a bit stressful but really worth it cause my new Tumblr looks really cool and creative. I'd give you the link sometime if you're interested (I doubt though...cause I'm really boring)

  In the mean time, I wanna share with you some pretty weird dreams (or at least what I remember of them) I've been having a lot of them.

  Dream One: Somehow, I ended up in Tennessee with my parents (I had different parents in that dream. Weird) and I apparently wanted to go to Memphis to our really cool house there( yup, I somehow had a cool house) because I was troubled because this reaaaally hot guy wanted to marry me. || Honestly, this is one of the stupidest and most random dreams I've had.Because...(a) I don't even live in the US, let alone Tennessee and I'm fairly confuses why ended up there (b) I have different parents and they're actually together and (c) I'm too young to get married.

  Dream Two: I became a S.H.I.E.L.D agent and ended up fighting Red Skull with all the Avengers and some of the X-men. Oh, and I was together with Capt. America and BFFs with Tony Stark and all of us went out for pizza|| Okay, this isn't that weird. It's more of awesome but seriously too good to be true (as if the whole S.H.I.E.L.D and Avengers thing wasn't already a dead giveaway). I'm to clumsy and too much of a loser to be a secret agent and too unworthy to be even around all these cool superheroes eating pepperoni pizza. Sigh. Okay Life suck.

  I'm boring you, aren't I? Okay last dream then I'm out. Haha.

  Dream Three: I was surrounded by Teletubies in this creepy fluffy marshmallow land. I was freaked out when they suddenly started singing this cutesy annoying song that turned out to be an evil chant summoning the Dark Lord aka Dora the Explorer. They all became zombies and tried to take out my internal organs. The End.|| I don't even know what to say to this. One day, 'kid shows' will become your worst nightmare. Nuff said.

  Anyways, I'm back to more HTML and Photoshop. I'll see you later. Keep me posted if you have other disturbing dreams too.

  *evil Teletubies drive a knife through my kidney*

  Bye now.

Love Always,
Yasmeen

**Update: Here is a link to my new other blog/Tumblr if you wanna check it out! :) Click!

A Series of What Ifs and What Could Have Been

#NowPlaying: Andare by Ludovico Einaudi  (the whole Divenire album, actually)

Dear Friend,

  Have you ever had those moments when you would just stare back at the ceiling, all alone, surrounded by deafening silence and wondered 'What If?' or 'What Could Have Been?'. I'm not one to live in the past, but sometimes I get to thinking. What could've happen if I had taken those chances? What would've happen if I hadn't done this or that? I'd never know, that's for sure. But sometimes, I just wish I had a time machine or something to fix those mistakes I've made. I know how people say not to regret the past for it is what made you who you are today. But maybe, I'm not content with the 'who I am today' part. Wouldn't it just be easier to know what happens next?

  I've been thinking a lot lately. The sentimental kind of thinking. And somehow, I find myself flashing back to people who have gone, people who have left and people who may leave. To be honest, I hate thinking about the past as well as the future. The past just fills you with unanswered question and the uneasy sadness of the unchangeable. Meanwhile, the future is filled with all kinds of uncertainty, doubt and not knowing if there will be a future at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have this fear. This fear of not knowing. A fear for the unknown. Some people live in the moment. I wish I was like those people.

  I guess I'm writing this because I really miss someone. That person left a pretty big scar behind. Thinking about that person... it's kind of painful. Our 'What Ifs' weigh heavily on my mind. But sometimes, I think it was better not to know. Someone once told me it was better not to know and just to see everything how it is. I'm trying to, trust me.

  It's been raining the whole week and the fact that I'm listening to sad, melancholic classical music doesn't help. Sigh. I kind of sucks to be lonely. And most of the time, it kind of sucks to have feelings. I'm the type of person who misses people who often don't miss me back. I'm sure there are tons of people like that in the world, too.

  I read a quote somewhere (it's in one of my old planners)  that you can't make a rainbow without a little rain Although very much true, I despise the fact that 'rain' is needed to make a 'rainbow'. But, I love the rain. And  ironically euphoric, it seems that I love sadness as well. That last one sounded sadistic or masochistic in a way, but there really is something beautiful in sadness. I mean, if it wasn't, why did all those great artist paint about it?

  Whatever. All I can say is that I will be forever stuck wondering. This is gonna bother me forever.

Love Always,
Yasmeen

PS: I changed the look a bit, I hope you don't mind. Kind of suits the rainy weather here, don't you think?

Summer's A Bummer. But School Sucks Too.

#NowPlaying: True Love Waits by Radiohead

Dear Friend,

  Hey there, buddy! It's been eight inglorious day since I last wrote to you, so I know you've probably missed me (haha, not). But that's just it. For the past eight days, I've done nothing of interest or particularly awesome. Pulling out a realization, this is the last summer of high school. Well, technically. I'm gonna be a senior this coming school year, and seeing as I am the most over-worked, under-
paid, and probably the most under-appreciated over achiever (not to be egotistical, but my life isn't full of daisies, pal) the school has ever had in the past three years, I'm gonna be busy (poppin' the 'anti-stress' pills as we speak). And this coming senior year, I have a load of shit under my wing. Few of them are running for honors, taking up the position of editor-in chief for the school newspaper, passing college entrance exams (yes, we have that kind of shit here. Third-world country problems, maybe) and trying to keep myself from self-destructing, seeing as I need to survive the year with flying colors and keep my grades up if I want to go to the college of my dream which is, ironically, right across my crappy half-assed school of  retards. For once, on my own free will, I'm gonna start studying and giving a damn about life because, well, I need a job and a future and stuff.

  One eensy-weensy dilemma though, I might not be able to afford college.Or at least, the good one cause...well, my life is filled with misfortunes and everything sucks and bad things happen to me and shitty problems get dumped into my life for no reason. But, yeah, other than that, life is dandy!! Here's a snippet of thoughts in my head right now:

   Logical voice inside my head aka Bob: "Don't to anything stupid. Or anything that would hurt yourself"
   Mentally unstable voice inside my head aka Richard: "Sucks for you. Too late, pal. Damage's done"
   Logical voice inside my head aka Bob: "Sigh. You're perfectly unreasonable"
   Mentally unstable voice inside my head aka Richard: "Damn, straight"
 
  Yup, two arguing voices in my head are perfectly normal. And naming them Bob and Richard is too...

  But anyway, as I was saying, last summer of high school, yeah? Well, I can't say I didn't enjoy the April part of my summer. But since it's May now, and I have like, what, twenty-somethin' days left, I better make em' count. So I'll take a little recap of what I've been doing up to this point of time.

  Probably the one that tops the list so far is going to a Comic Con on Free-Comic Book-Day. Yup, I'm awesomely geeky. And although I did only spend a mere two hours there, I was blown away by all the stuff there and actually got a lot of cool stuff and some drawing inspiration. I was fortunate enough to snag a couple of free comics, buy six Marvel comics and a Mini-Deadpool figurine (he stands right beside me now with his mini samurai sword and badass gun, making sure I write this letter) and a cool print out of some X-men Babies (look them up, they're super cute!) from one of my new fave artists. The comic con experience was a blast and I'd definitely be back there next year. I hope I can bring some friends a long, but I need to find actual friends who like the same stuff as I do first. Easier said than done.

  The remainder of my days, thus far, have been spent over-eating (I gained weight. Oink! Oink!) being chronically unhappy and reading a whole shit load of Deadpool comics. Glad to know I'm not to only one who talks to myself/has a second voice in my head. (If you're a Marvel fan, you'd get the last sentence). PS: I'm not as mental as him though or a badass mercenary. But that would be kind of cool. Because of my comic haul, I've started drawing stuff and did drawing for my bro (and  I've getting paid for it. Ka-ching!) and maybe I'll draw more stuff this summer.


  Anyway, the rest of my twenty-something days will go down uninteresting. Maybe. I'll probably spend it in the comic book shop looking for more goodies (and variant covers). Annnnnd, maybe by chance I'll see this new cute guy that I'm crushing on. He plays soccer, loves indie music, has his own blog AND he collects comic books!? *insert fangirl-y sqeal here*. How sweet is that!! *cough* and he's pretty cute *cough*. He pretty much fits the definition of  "my dream guy".

  Oh, and if it's kind of confusing, dear friend, I tend to change crushes as much as I takes showers. And seeing as it's mondo hot this summer, showers are very much frequent. Hah! Perfect analogy for the circumstance. But seriously, this dude seems pretty legit and I think he's pretty cool and seems really nice too (though, we haven't really met...yet). So, whatever. Life will find a way. It's either Miracles, Mysteries or Mishaps. (I should change my title to that. Hmmmm)

  Whatever.

  See yah, I'm off to save the multiverse from aliens. 'Til next time! *insert bro-fist sequence*

Love Always,
Yasmeen