What I Miss The Most: Falling In Love

#NowPlaying: Stay Just A Little by Kina Grannis (listen to this on repeat while you read this)

Dear Friend,

  Two letters in a span of one day? Not the first time, certainly. It's 11 pm here and since I just had a cup of coffee an hour ago, I doubt I'd be asleep by midnight. There are a lot of thoughts running through my mind and my 8tracks adventure just isn't helping. That song has been stuck in my head. Sigh. I guess it's another lonely night.

  It's been quite a while since I talked about love and all that 'shizz'. And, to be heartbreakingly honest, I miss being in love. I admit, sometimes I wished I wasn't in love when I was. I kept on asking why I always got my heartbroken or why I cared. I hated those feelings. But, now... well, I got my wish. And no, being in love with someone famous or a boyband does not count (I wish it did). I missed caring for someone. The excitement you feel when you feel when you see their face.  Or that bit of sadness when their not there. I miss caring for someone deeply, going out of my way to show them how I feel. I pains me so much. I miss the sleepless nights, the crying, the huge goofy smile I get. Now, it's all gone.

  The last person I love had to go away. Gone before I said goodbye. It hurts more and more when I remember how it went down, but I can never ever regret loving him the way I did. I've never loved anyone more than I did with him. It's just... the ultimate feeling of loving... it just makes me happy. Note: I still don't know what true happiness means, but something about being in love makes me closer to knowing. I know sometimes I get critical when it comes to people saying how they love each other, but it's a lot different when you feel it. I'm not in love right now. And I'm unsure whether I want to be or not. But somehow, I long for the feeling of loving. Maybe it's because I'm so used to it. Or maybe I'm just lonely. But, I know time has its own way.

  The school year is coming up, and who knows what's in store for me. But I don't anything fabulous is in store for my love life (or lack of one). I'm just as lovable as walrus. Who knows, though. Maybe some cute guy will come along and catch my eye. But I hate liking my own classmates. Rarely anything good comes out of it and it's pretty easy to see how douchy they can be. Not that all guys are. But, yeah. Boys can be a little very frustrating.

  I did tell you I like this guy, right? Well *insert shy smile here*, I think he's pretty great. I like everything about him (I already told you that). Never have I found someone with so much in common and so much awesome qualities as him. But, I don't think (for me, at least) it's possible to fall in love someone you don't know. As of late, I'm just simply wallowing in a pool of one-sided adoration. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get to meet this guy (or someone as awesome as him). Maybe if I'm luckier, someone would fall in love with me too (as if. Don't get your hopes up, Yasmeen). Sigh. I'm in Losertown. Population: Me.

  So much for trying to feel better.

Love Always,
Yasmeen