Dear Friend,
It was my last day yesterday. I haven't written to you for days because I honestly don't know what to tell you. I guess I've been too ashamed to tell you that I may have given up on what I started: the road to happiness. I was with the thought that nothing I ever do will be worth it, that nothing matters. I guess, I've grown used to the feeling of being unwanted, of rejection, that it would turn out just the same. I guess, with so much lack of expectation, I led myself to expect that nothing good ever happens. Over-thinking, over-analyzing-- all of that kind of got to me. I almost forgot why I was actually doing this, why I chose to pursue.
I've doubted whether or not he was worth it, if it was worth being in that vulnerable place once again. I guess, I've kind of hit that low point where I was convincing myself that no one will ever be worth it. But then I reminded myself that I was here, and that I wouldn't have made it this far if he wasn't worth it.With a little advice and a wake up call, I realized I was thinking too much about what he would think or what would happens next when there is no next time. I won't be seeing him soon, or even ever. There is no after. I guess, it's true that some things are meant to be kept short and sweet. That what I can hope to hold on to. I had to see things the way they were: the truth. What ever happened will forever be they way it happened, nothing can change that. I
So what happens next? Thursday is where I say goodbye and close this short but meaningful chapter in my life. Whether it means something to him or not, it will to me. And I know that he deserves it. He's worth it. Not only am I doing this for him, but for me. I know that somehow, I'll be given some peace of mind by saying everything I need to say. I owe it to myself, to see him one last time
Maybe, when Thursday comes, I'll feels sad or most likely, even cry. I'll miss him for who knows how long. But I'll be happy. Realistically, I'll be very sad that it's over but I'll be even happier that it happened. After all, from the start, I knew it was going to end. It might not end the way I want it to, but at least, it will end with a smile. I know that I'll still think about him from time to time, or wish I could have done something more. But sometimes, less is more. And less... is good.
For what it's worth, I'll say everything I wish I could say, in the hopes that he'll be happy to hear them. I hope that he'll know, hear, and understand every emotion . I know that no matter how it ends, I'll be happy. Because, again, he is love. He is inspiration. He is happiness. And he was a complete miracle.
Yeah, for what it's worth... and for what I'm worth.
Love Always,
Yasmeen
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