Give All, Give In, Give Up

#NowPlaying: Two Moons by Toe

Dear Friend,

  I think I'm just about ready to say goodbye to him. Well, technically, that's a huge lie because I will never be ready to say goodbye to him, ever. And, well, I'm not good with goodbyes. But here I am, with a letter's draft, a gift and a million words unsaid. I don't know if he knows (and I hope he does) but somehow, I wished he'd savor the last moments he'd ever see me. In three days, he'd be permanently gone. Permanent. I don't really know what happens when he leaves, but I'll be hoping for the best. Even if I know the worst is yet to come. But, as I said, I'm ready for it.

  I'm prepared to give my all. I guess, there isn't anytime left to hold back, you know. Hopefully, he'll understand every word and take them to heart. I know that letter will probably be the crappiest thing he'll ever read, but I'm hoping he'll find meaning and significance to it as well. But no mater how much I write, it would never be enough. There will never be enough words to express how thankful I am to have met him. The words are like stars. They're infinite possibilities. There are infinite reasons why I could thank him --because without his very existence, I wouldn't be here right now, writing to you, dear friend.

I may be saying goodbye to the one person who means the most to me, but I believe that not all goodbyes are sad. I guess, there is a good in goodbyes. Sometimes, they're needed for us to grow as people and live our lives as they were planned to do so. Maybe it's time for me to stop trying to control how things are happening and just give in to what's in store for me. To just let go. I know that things happen for a reason. Some people are meant to come across your life for a short period of time. Some stay a bit longer...while others, well, they stay forever. But just because I'm giving in to the thought of having my own predestined plan doesn't mean that I don't have a say in my life. Whether they're good or bad choices, they'll only be learning experiences for me.

So I guess, it's time to give up. Give up on the people that won't do me good or pretend like they do when they really don't. I'm tired of being taken for granted, dear friend, because it's the same everything. I'm always left chasing people I want to keep when I don't really need them in my life anyway. It's stupid. Now, it's time to wash out all the negativity and frustration out of my life. I'm already stressed enough. Especially in high school where people try to be something they're not. Case and point, when guys try to act all though and show off to try and look cool; or when girls go and act all cutesy, innocent or adorable when all it really does is make them look like desperate, attention-seeking bitches. Sigh. It's all so disgusting to me. These are the people I loath the most, the pretenders. Because, one day, we will all be irrelevant. No exception.The closest you can get to actually being relevant, is knowing that you didn't change who you are just for the fame, attention and even acceptance. You remained you. That's how one remains relevant to himself.

Sigh. But, people don't get that. All they think about is the gratification they get out of it. Human beings are naturally narcissistic, yeah. Maybe, one day, when we get older, we'd realize that self-acceptance is key. Because, if you can't even learn to accept yourself, do you think other ever will.

So, from now on, I'll only keep the ones worth keeping. The one's who are worth it. I give up. I'm done. And maybe, just maybe, some day people would realize that things won't last forever. And, so won't I.

This is it for me, dear friend. Good night.

Love Always,
Yasmeen