I Want To Hold Your Hand

#NowPlaying: Across The Universe by The Beatles

Dear Friend,

  I don't really know how to tell you or how to explain it really, but here goes nothing. Sigh. I think I might be falling in love with my best friend. Well, or at least he's the closest thing to a guy best friend since (a) he knows things about me that no one, and I mean no fucking one knows, (b) he always knew when something was bothering me (c) he never judged me for all the wrong things about me and, (d) he was always willing to help me out. I could tell you a lot more things and the stuff we used to do together but that would take too long and bore you. But, sweet Jesus, I'm in deep shit right now.

  Oh god, I might be in love with my best friend.Shit. There are worse situations to be in, but this one is pretty shitty. He's kind of amazing, and I'm kind of not. He that kind of spectacular, breath-taking, unpredictable, and slightly crazy kind of beautiful. Kind of like the male version of Alaska Young (see: last letter). I haven't met a lot of people who I find interesting in this world, and he's one of the few (by few I mean, like, less than ten). I just... God, this feeling sucks. He's gorgeous; I'm awkward. He was undeniably fascinating, and I was perpetually uninteresting. He was sunshine; I was a John Green, "If people were rain, I was drizzle and he was hurricane”.

  This kind of started ever since I met him. but of course, he never found out. No one ever did. Kept it to myself the whole time. And, for all the years I have, I kinda found little ways to feel closer to him. The jokes, the hugs, the small conversations-- everything. Maybe, I loved him before, I just didn't acknowledge it enough. (Yeah, right). But there had always been something that when I hug him or see him smile or in the words he speaks to me that makes my heart skip a little, and leaves my cheeks burning red. I always thought he might have noticed how I treat him somewhat differently, but luckily he hasn't.

  This kinda puts me in a fine predicament. Just as the star-crossed love of my life is leaving for some state in the United States, I start to fall for my best friend. Fuck this.

  Why did I have to dream repeatedly about him? Different dream, different day, same circumstance. I dream that we're together, him and I. It ultimately sucks for many reasons. Namely, (a) he's in a relationship and not be bias at all, but I find it kind of messed up and his girlfriend irks me, (b) I'll probably never get a chance at him because, well, I'm me and (c) I'm so infatuated with the thought of him and those dreams; they feel so real and lifelike that it's frustrating and a bit weird. But, damn do they give me butterflies.

  Dear friend, I kinda need a bit of help here. What should I do? Because, let's face it, being in love with your best friend hurts and is kind of confusing Have would you deal with this situation? Sigh.

  I'm might be hanging out with him tomorrow. And, I guess, that would be the highlight of my day.

Love Always,
Yasmeen