Words of Love, Words Unsaid

#NowPlaying: Demons by Imagine Dragons

Dear Friend,

  Day two and three of review class. Woo hoo. Sarcastically speaking, I had a blast. Insert overly-sarcastic smile here. It's was only day two and I already miss staying home and doing nothing. Sweet Jesus, it's so much worse than school. To think that I'm stuck there for only 4 hours (half the hours of normal school). Ugh. It's excruciating. Of course, this is my whiny teenage side talking. I know that this is collage prep and everything, but... argh. I have a reason for hating review classes and no, it's not cause of teachers. Our teachers are actually really nice. Kinda. I just don't like most of the people there. By that I mean, the 'pretty boys'. Keep in mind, they're not actually pretty in real life. Seriously. They frustrate me.But fuck those bastards, I'm already stressed as it is.

  So, April 18th, dear friend. April 18th.

  Before I explain the bitter significance of that date, I thought I should tell you something first...

  You know how I was going on about the road to recovery? Well, all that is out of the window now.

Completely just flew out the window, yeah. When summer started, I thought for sure that these feeling would soon fade, disappear as quickly as I wanted them to do so. Those days I kept seeing him around, dear Lord, it was so painful. It was like watching a sad ending and not doing anything to stop it, not doing anything about it. Like watching your whole world deteriorate right before your eyes. I cannot even begin to fathom what life would turn out once he's gone. I maybe not have build my world around him (as I knew that this special kind of love was not meant to last forever, seeing as there is no forever) but if I we're to build a world, he would be the oceans-- taking up more than half of that world. But in reality, as the time will go by, he will turn into the skies-- for the in skies, though comparably unnoticeable to most, is where you would find  the most beautiful things in the world.

  Somehow, as I continued on with summer, I thought of the possibility that maybe these feelings weren't as deep in as I thought, a feeling that only sparks in the glory of physical presence. In other words, something I only feel when he is physically around. I was telling myself, "Hey, maybe it won't be so bad". I thought I was back to feeling fine. And, of course, I was dead-on wrong, as always.

  Then I heard about the 18th. That was Stephan's last day here. When I read about it, my heart which I thought back to whole again shattered once more. It got me thinking, "This is it huh?". This was the way it's gonna end? In life, we don't get the ending's we want. But we can't help but expect something when the great unexpected occurs. Because, when miracles happen, don't you expect them to end happily? Apparently, the world is the biggest fucker ever. It fucks everyone over. Seriously.But, there isn't much we can do. We just live through it, day by day. We all get by. Sigh. I guess I'll just wait for the 18th then. Exactly two weeks from now, the great love of my life will walk away like he did many times before. Except, this time, it's permanent

  Maybe, a few days before that, I'll write to you the actual letter I never got to send him. The words I never got to say in the letter I gave him. The words of love that probably wouldn't have meant a thing. But maybe, if I write them to you, you'd understand, and appreciate, and that it would mean something to at least somebody. Who knows...

  A wise man told me that you do not have to be loved to be able to love unconditionally.Unrequited love can stand the distance and time that most love can not. And that love itself is a decision. Love is keeping the promise anyway. And that love will always be love, even if it's not forever.

  I tend to live by those words.

Love Always
Yasmeen