Dear Friend,
The great love of my life is probably on a plane right now to Japan or God-knows-where. What sucks about this is that I never got to see him again since that day. No last words, no, nothing at all. It feels really shitty. But honestly, wherever he is, I hope he's happy. Three years worth of memories. And even if I was just a small fraction of those memories, I could only hope I was at least the relevant part. I hope so.
I guess, that whatever I thought we had, though probably made up in my head, was one of the best things I've ever had. I'd never know if he'd feel the same, but I kept up my part. He was my special Valentine. The most amazing, heart-racing, fairy tale-ending slow dance. And I find myself missing him more each time I think of him. Admittedly, he's not on my mind as much as before. But when he is, I can't help but feel kind of sad or look up at the stars. I've finally come to terms that I may have loved him, but I always knew he was not the one. I've accepted that he left, he's gone and that if he ever comes back, we'll be strangers once again. That's how life is, as bitter as it may seem.
I won't torture myself by wondering when he last thought of me or if there were words he may have wanted to say but never had the chance. It would be way too painful, endlessly waiting for that. But, one day, I'd be able to let go and just look back and smile. Dear friend, life is way to short to hold on to something so much to believe that something will last forever. I have the option of believing that he will be the only one I'd ever love for the rest of my life, but that option is too foolish to take. I want to grow as a person, to live experiences, make mistakes, find the simple joys and even have my heart broken a couple more times (23 and counting), because life is meant to progress. Not just stuck in one phase.
What's next? I don't know. I know I told you that I might have been falling for my best friend, but it's not something I want to pursue. He's not really worth it. And I find people who depend too much on love too foolhardy and a bit naive. Love is good, but priority is key. I have priorities and dreams to achieve. I have so much more to offer and being caught up with feelings won't help me get to where I want to be. I personally hate people who put "love" above everything else because, as I usually point out, "love" (note the quotation marks) is often very much temporary. For me, I love wholeheartedly and it's just not "love" (quotation marks), it takes me a whole lot of time to get over someone I like very much (six months, or maybe forever). This will take time, but I know I'll be able to move on someday.
To Stephan, I hope he's happy with the choices he made and the things he has or hasn't done. I hope he won't forget. Maybe someday he'd look up at the stars when he feels sad or lonely and remember that someone once loved him more that everything. I hope he'd be able to find someone who'll love him unconditionally, someday. I wish him all the best and I wish one day he'd realize that he was something great to someone. I'll miss him. So. Damn. Much. And that I hope he misses me too.
I love him.
John Green once said, "You don't get to chose if you get hurt in this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you". That's one of the best quotes I've read in forever.
And I hope he likes his choices.
I like mine.
Love Always,
Yasmeen
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